You have invested years and years spending time, emotion, and compassion for another person. Perhaps you have children, pets, a home. Everything to build a life together. All of it, gone with a few little words, ”I want a divorce.” It can seem world stopping, like a ton of bricks, has hit you all at once. Sure at the end of the day, it is really what needed to happen, and maybe it has been a long time coming and you know it is for the better in everyone’s case. However, you can’t help but feel that you did something wrong. Or that you have failed and maybe you could have done more.
Does this sound familiar? Sadly, nothing can make this sinking feeling go away quickly. We all take time to process when things change, for worse or for better. But we are here to say, there is a light at the end of the tunnel.
Though it may seem like a long way away, depending on where you are in the legal process, there is a life that you can fully look forward to after all the papers are signed.
As things progress, you have so much to look forward to. It may seem daunting, especially if you have been in a long-term relationship, but you have a new-found opportunity! What is that you ask? As you enter into a new stage of life, you have the opportunity to focus on YOU. Learning what makes you happy and what interests you have. Much of our identity is lost in marriage. It is a natural progression of things as you meld two lives together. it can be sad to realize that you no longer have an activity or hobby that you so enjoyed by yourself before marriage.
With the changes that come from your new lifestyle, you are able to get to know yourself and understand your emotions better than before. This can strengthen your confidence and your self-worth. If you have children, you can perhaps spend more time with them and get to know them better. Something that you maybe couldn’t do because you were too busy or there was too much discord in your life with your former spouse. Divorce can be hard on children as well, but as they witness you becoming stronger and more sure of yourself, they will imitate you and feel secure and confident.
Also, getting to know yourself and connecting with your inner person, can be one of the most rewarding things that we can do in our lives. It gives us a sense of fulfillment and happiness. Learning to love yourself and trust in yourself. You may even find yourself wanting to travel or see new things. Maybe you have wanted to go on a vacation that you could never quite convince your spouse to agree to. Or maybe you have limited yourself in other areas of your life due to your spouse and their personal preferences. Now with your newfound freedom, you need not worry, because now you get to do the things that YOU want to do, the way you want to do them.
You have been through a lot, and it can take a toll on you physically, emotionally and mentally. But don’t let that stop you from achieving your goal. It takes strength with any major change in life. You are strong for going through what you have. So rather than feel like you have failed, or feel as though you aren’t good enough, view this as an opportunity. Be positive in your outlook, and view it as a silver lining. Take time to heal, to self-reflect and to make yourself happy.
At the end of the day, there is life after divorce, and it can be a great one.