Divorce can be hard. It can have its twists and turns, good things and bad. One challenge that many face is going through a divorce when children are involved. Kids are sensitive to the changes around them, and are more aware of changes then one would think. When you do tell your children of the coming changes, it can be difficult for them to understand why things are changing as they are. But the number one thing that you as a parent have to remember is keeping things positive and their environment stable.
Children look to you for guidance and leadership. Especially if you have young children, they will look to you in these difficult times. Though the reasons why you and your partner are splitting up are crystal clear to you, to a young person, they may not see or understand why things have to be this way. They might view it as unfair and have resentment and fear for their future. The fear that if one parent leaves, perhaps the other will. The most important thing is to comfort them. Giving them the most stability you can. Children become more at ease when you are there to give them comfort. At a time like this, it may take more time. Spending more hours with them in the day, and talking is a wonderful way to let your child(ren) know that you care. Many think that covering up a situation or not facing what is happening, is best. But actually it is quite the other way around. Children need communication and reassurance. So while they see things change, talk to them. See how they feel. It is no longer taboo to speak to your children about how they feel. The best way to see what a child needs, is to talk to them, and listen to what they have to say. Though it may take some coaxing, they will in time open up. Communication is key as is praising them for talking to you. Your child(ren) may express strong feelings and say things that maybe in the past they wouldn’t. But give them the benefit of the doubt and make sure to be kind, gentle and truthful to the degree that the child’s understanding will allow.
You are the one that can change a sad story into a happy one! Granted, no matter what, the child(ren) will have some adjustments to make once your divroce is final, i.e. visitation or absence of one parent all together. But at the root of it all is you. You have to make sure you take care of yourself and your mental health during this time as well. You cannot expect to draw water from a “well that is dry”. So you must take care of yourself. Getting enough rest, eating right and getting counseling when you need it. Counseling is so very vital when going through a large change in life. Counseling can help you clear your mind and leave you feeling better mentally and emotionally. This will also cause you to be able to be the rock your child(ren) need. It can also bring a much needed air of positivity to your children, so they can look forward to a future that is bright and not doom and gloom! Exactly what they need to grow up to be confident and functioning members of society.
You are the biggest influence and role model for your child(ren). You are their anchor and their number one teacher in life. If you communicate, encourage and show them positivity, even in the most difficult times, you will be able to show them that even when life doesn’t go as planned, you can overcome it with good results and come out the other side a good person. That strength comes from what you do with your circumstances and how you view your situation! Children are strong, but they are stronger with you on their side.