Is Divorce the Answer?
There are many things about a relationship that change over the years. Financial situations change as careers develop or move in a different direction. Where you live can change as well as health. All these things you and your mate deal with together and get through as a team. But, what if things are changing between you and your partner? Things you once saw eye to eye on, are now growing farther and farther apart. Your ideals and convictions perhaps don’t match or sync up with your partner like they once did either. Maybe all of this can make you feel like you are growing further and further from the person you once knew. It can be a slow, or fast process, but the question then remains, is it time to separate? Here are some questions to ask yourself before you consider separating.
How Often Do You and Your Partner Talk?
Talking is so much more than just saying words. It is easy to get swept up in day-to-day things and not take the much-needed time to talk things out. Saying how your day was or that “traffic was terrible” is not the kind of talking you and your partner need. Rather, in a relationship, it is imperative to make time for deep discussions. Whether you eat dinner with no distractions, i.e., no cell phones, TV, or music. Whatever the necessary thing may be to make sure you can give/receive undivided attention with your partner. If your schedule is very busy or you work odd hours, make it a point to sit down and talk at a time that works for both of you. It may start as a small conversation of how something irritated your partner, but it can develop into much, much more. You may be able to understand where your partner is coming from as well. Remember that listening is key. When your partner talks, be sure to listen and take their feelings into consideration. Opening-up can be hard, especially if things have been going awry for a longer period of time. But opening-up and getting to the root of a situation can actually prove beneficial to you and your partner.
Examine How Things Have Changed
How has the relationship changed? And, in what ways and regarding what subject in the relationship? When did it start happening? All of these are very valid questions that you should consider. Knowing when you started to see a marked difference and when you started to feel a strain of any sort can help tremendously. You may consider writing it all down. When you can clearly see and what has been happening, you may be able to better convey what you have been feeling. Drawing from something you can see, is better than relying on memory. Once you have things laid out, you may even find a pattern you had missed before. Writing things out can also have a therapeutic like benefit and help you see if maybe something has changed on your end as well.
Has Something Life Altering Happened?
Have you recently moved? Changed jobs? Had a Child or even a Death in the family? Life moves at such a fast pace, that things can seem to fly by without much thought! But all of these things can put a strain on a family emotionally and psychologically. Whether it is a happy time or a sad time, big changes impact each and every one of us in different ways. If it’s a large change, especially if there have been multiple large changes in a row, it could very well take time for you or your partner to be able to fully process everything. The world itself has many anxieties, add to that a large life altering change whether good or bad, can lead to difficulties and arguments. The best thing you can do is to help your partner. Ask yourself if this may have something to do with the change in behavior you have noticed. It could very well be that your partner may not know how to fully deal with something. In which case, this can be helped with talking or if needed counseling/therapy.
Counseling
When it is too much for you and your partner to necessarily handle, the best option might be to go to counseling. There you both will receive a non-biased helpful professional that can assist you through these rocky times. This person can help you wade through the problems you and your partner are having and help you come out the other side happier and with the ability to understand one another better. In the end, you want to be able to stay with the person you said “I Do” to for the rest of your life. That is what is most important.
In the end, if there is nothing that can be done, divorce is an option and is not the end of the world. But if you and your partner are ready and willing to actively work on your relationship, there is a high likelihood that you can make things work out for the better. Relationships aren’t easy and take much upkeep, but the best ones are worth fighting for. The best ones are the ones that will constantly change but still stand the test of time.
