Here at OC Paralegal Service, we believe that there is no shame in a short-term marriage that ends in divorce. Society has taught us that when we get married that we are supposed to “stick with it” for the long haul and do “whatever it takes to make it work.” Have you ever felt like you are beating your head against a wall by doing “whatever it takes to make it work?” Have you ever begged and pleaded for change and if there is change it is short-lived? What about therapy, you say, let’s go to therapy, only to waste months or years of time with no change?
Let’s rewind back to when we were in the beginning stages of the relationship when everything is beautiful with rose-colored glasses and we think we found the person that we were going to be with for the rest of our lives. To show our commitment, we want a family or according to our religious beliefs, we decide we will get married and just know it will last the rest of our lives despite the yellow or red flags we see in the other person’s behavior. We go through the planning process, or we elope and while there may be red flags or yellow flags during that time we still think that it’s going to get better. After we are married, we keep trying to adjust ourselves to make things better because we want to keep the peace in the household. Nobody likes to fight, but we don’t understand the other person’s behavior, moods, patterns, and why they’re doing what they’re doing. Have you ever asked yourself why in the beginning when there was so much chemistry and good feelings of love they start to wear off as we fight and problems arise and then we try to get back together and make things better? However, with cultures and different upbringings and childhood traumas and abuse and age-related situations with your partner’s adult children or sexual dysfunction that happens when we’re older or there are minor children that are brought into a second marriage, third marriages and there’s just heavy baggage that is brought into marriages. The bags are brought in with heavy emotions, trauma, and feelings of being unseen or unworthy from prior marriages, divorces, or relationships and there’s nowhere to turn. For most, their only source of connection is with this partner who, now because of the problems that have come up, trust has eroded, and attempts to talk and communicate turn into arguments, fights, and people walking away. Unfortunately, walking away creates more problems because people feel abandoned by their loved ones. When we don’t have a good friendship group, role model(s), a therapist, counselor, or family member to help us through these tough times while we are trying to navigate through all this, we feel alone with nowhere to turn.
Here’s another marriage scenario, see if you can relate to this:
With social media, such as Facebook, Instagram, and movie and TV stars that are in Hollywood, not to mention YouTube influencers, we see so many images and behaviors! So much so that we sometimes believe that we’re supposed to be like those celebrities. Even in our marriage, we can get caught up with the idea that we want to wake up next to the person that looks like the person in the movies. Then there’s the lure of online dating and seeing perfect people out there who really are fronts for scammers and catfishing! It gets all so confusing and we tend to put that on the shoulders of the one person that we wake up next to or live in the same household with every day. And after all of this what ends up happening is we decide we want to go back to our single life where there was solitude, or friends that we don’t see anymore. Friends that we left so we could be with this one person, to spend all our time with and put all of our hopes and dreams into. This could even happen somewhere three or four years down the road where this person changes and this person is not the person we thought they were going to be, or they didn’t stay the same! Many men think that women are going to stay the same and after women get married they want to change their man LOL Sometimes women gain weight or the men gain weight and nobody looks like they did when they got married. Then little things start to bother us and we want them to change back to who they were when we first met them. It is an ongoing cycle that will never cease.
People and circumstances change over time. It is an inevitable fact of life. Weight, personality, views and so much more makes a person different from the beginning of a relationship when things seemed so perfectly in line. So many impossible standards are laid before us in the world, from media to online dating and so much more on a daily basis. So instead of feeling trapped in a situation that doesn’t change no matter what you do to attempt to make it work, do what is best for you. OC Paralegal Service is here to help you. We are a judgment-free zone and we specialize in divorce paperwork and will make sure that everything works in your favor. We understand what you are going through and we care. That is why we are here.
OC Paralegal Service